Dear BMC Bicycles:
I’ll get straight to the point: I would like you to send me a 2008 BMC Pro Machine (blue) built up with Campagnolo Record components. I understand that this request, coming from a 40 year old college English professor probably makes little sense. It may come across as outrageously presumptuous, or even recklessly arrogant. Let me explain, though, and I’m sure you will see the wisdom and, more importantly, the marketing value of such a move.
I first saw a BMC bike in VeloNews when Tyler Hamilton left CSC to ride for Phonak. I instantly felt a heartsick longing for that aluminum lugged carbon frame, the SLT Team Machine. The frame was incredibly beautiful in that purposefully engineered, industrial sublime manner. The feelings it evoked reminded me of my first view of the Porsche 959 prototype when I was in high school. Both machines exemplified the thrilling promise of serious-minded technology coupled with adrenaline-drunk exhilaration. I knew that the Porsche was an unattainable dream, and, for a time, the BMC felt that way as well. Although I never realized my dream to own, or even drive, a 959, the next time I was in the market for a bike, I knew without equivocation that I wanted that BMC.
My trusty Team Machine has served me well. It is an awesome bike in every way. I am a large, strong rider, yet I cannot make the bottom bracket flex. It rides beautifully, and I can enter a race knowing that my showing will not be compromised by my equipment. However, the sight of that new Pro Machine in blue, the color of my first ten speed, makes my heart ache with longing. I recall the feeling of the wind in my nine-year-old hair on Christmas morning when I pedaled off on that blue Centurion, and the sparkling blue of the Pro Machine takes me back to that moment.
But I still hear you wondering, “Why should we give this guy a bike?” Three words: Tyler. Floyd. Vino. Your company got burned three times by three different riders. Your sponsorship dollars seemed to call down a curse of French testing labs. People on bike discussion forums were making jokes about how every BMC bike came complete with a vial of EPO. Here is the solution: I ride clean. The strongest thing I take before a race is Advil. Sometimes I’ll smear some Ben Gay on my legs. I will never embarrass you with a bad B sample. Plus, I can write. Tyler, Floyd, and Vino could not even hope to come close to me in the sprint to the dramatic metaphor. And the mountain of gorgeous prose? Forget those guys with their weak grasp of grammar and hackneyed sports cliches. I ride and I write. I would write pages about the wonders of the Pro Machine.
But there’s more. Every single time I go to a local New England race (and I go to several dozen every year), I get stopped by someone who wants to talk to me about my BMC. I sing its praises and smile at the naked longing on their faces. Imagine how that response would increase exponentially if I were riding that blue Pro Machine instead of my gray Team Machine. There would be no better advertisement.
Consider my offer carefully. I may not have the notoriety of Floyd or the boy-next-door charm of Tyler or the fierce stare of Vino, but I am a real rider who can truly appreciate the importance of a fine machine.
If you decide to go with this, we can discuss the size and specific component selection over e-mail.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to riding my new bike very soon.
Sincerely,
The Hobgoblin
I feel that you should have this bike. It’s clearly essential.
It is almost a crime that BMC have not yet sent you the bike. The fools.
My boyfriends says that you are wrong and what you really want is a Cervelo R1.
that would be “boyfriend,” singular. I had to have him read this post because I have no idea of what you speak ;).
How could they possibly turn a deaf ear to that heartfelt plea? Post us the picture when it arrives wrapped up, bike-shaped with a big bow on it (or would that be inappropriate?).
I think it would be completely appropriate for the bike they send me to come complete with a big bow.
The Cervelo is a very nice bike, without a doubt, but that BMC has the Crosslock Skeleton Design, which is very cool. Plus, it fits my height better. And it comes in blue. There are also a LOT of Cervelo riders around here, but only a couple of BMC riders, so there is the scarcity cachet.
And yes, the company is foolish not to have responded to me yet. How can they expect to run a a business that way?
I’m sure you haven’t heard from BMC yet because their entire marketing department was attending a very important day-long meeting and was unable to respond. How could they deny such a request?
BMC – Bikes Made for Cheaters – Floyd, Tyler, Vino (Kaschechkin sp?) were all planned. Why would they sponsor you, who don’t take bovine growth hormone or horse steroids?
🙂
You and I share the same love! Yes, it’s true, I currently have a nice italian model, but my eyes continue to wander toward that incredible swiss technology! I hope BMC sees you for what you are…someone who just loves to ride!
Dear Hobgoblin,
You are a typical left wing college professor. Expecting something for free. The only bike you deserve is a 1972 Schwinn Varsity or better yet a Free Spirit from Sears
Dear fastcarbon,
Please give me your address and I’ll send you a sense of humor. For free.