I haven’t written here much lately, largely because my blogging persona is facing an identity crisis. I do not know at all what I want this blog to be. Do I want to be light and funny and social? I can do that, but my dark moods lately seem to make that a Sisyphean task. Do I want to be more learned and scholarly? Probably not, because I have to do that in my regular life. Do I want to be more of a jock and write about my cycling? That seems to be more than a little limiting for me, and I know I can’t do that as well as people like Bike Snob, the Fat Cyclist, and Aki.
This entire year has been one big black hole of bleh and my writing, especially my blogging, has suffered as a result. When I spiral down into these moods, I feel like the only way to make things better is to burn all bridges and start fresh, but I already did that with blogging and it didn’t exactly work for me.
Part of the problem is that I am feeling a little overwhelmed this semester. I am teaching two new courses, and, although I did prep in advance, nothing can take the place of reading the new texts again. Some of the novels I am teaching in my elective I haven’t read since grad school, over ten years ago. I have the criticism down, but I need to re-read and make sure I know the texts well enough to talk about them for three hours every week.
One thing that might help is a trip I’m taking in a month. In December, a friend and colleague asked me if I wanted to join a campus-sponsored trip to El Salvador. Every spring break, my school sends a delegation as a service learning opportunity and several faculty members go along as chaperones. Our service project this year is not definite yet, but in the past, students have built houses, cleared fields, and done other things of that sort. Because another prof dropped out at the last minute, I was able to take his spot on the roster. Since the school is paying my way, I decided to go. To show what a big deal it is for me, I’m going to be missing the first race of the season because of the trip. I think, though, that I’ll come back feeling more energized and grounded.
So I guess I don’t know where I’m going with this. If you feel like watching me wander around for a while and try to figure things out, drop by and read every so often. I’m sure to make a fool of myself, but that won’t be anything new.
The Hobgoblin of Little Minds 
If you’re looking for a topic, you might try the AFT’s “Why I Teach” meme that I tagged you with a while back. And how about this summer we do that Emerson/Hawthorne/Concord thing we were batting around last winter?
You can be all those things, you know, and we’d all still be here. Be serious one day, funny the next. It’s your blog and it can reflect wherever you are at that particular moment.
Hang in there, Hobgoblin, I know you’re having a rough time.
I do feel for you, and particularly as the semester is busy. I know how hard it is to keep any mind space clear for any kind of creative thinking and writing in the thick of a teaching term. But you don’t have to do anything special – we love any Hobgoblin post, however they come. One thing that helps me generally in such moments is to start on a new reading project (although honestly it sounds as if you have enough reading on at present). But good reading always provokes me into saying something, and that way I kick start myself again. I send a big cyberhug to you and one to Muttboy.
I agree with everyone above — write whatever you want, we’ll all still be here.
Hugs!
I say, Just keep doin’ what you’re doin’, Hob! It works for us. 🙂
I identify with you on the year of bleh (I got a grin out that, thanks) — I feel overwhelmed by various things, and my writing is in the toilet. As is my blog, come to think of it. This too shall pass, however, and when it does, I need to be there to start up again. So, the blog helps keep me reading and writing, as fitful as it may seem to me.
Your trip sounds wonderful, and I’m sure it will inspire and refresh you.
Take care!
Write whatever comes to you. (Which hopefully includes a continuation of “Eschatology”!)
Thanks, everyone–I’ll keep slogging away. Constructivist–no projects this summer, sadly. I go up for tenure in the fall and am spending the whole summer putting my packet together. No fun at all.
Hobgoblin — You are an inspiration to all of us! You need to keep writing, and don’t worry about your classes because all your students love you and your teaching 🙂
Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. I don’t think you need an identity to be great fun to read.
El Salvador? Waoo, that’s an amazing experience. Be sure to blog about it!
As for the rest of your post, it’s ok to be in a funk for a while, but it’s not true that you haven’t done anything with your writing last year. You managed to write a great piece of entertaining fiction and to finish it, don’t underestimate your achievement!
I’m teaching two new courses myself this term and I can sympathize with your feeling of being overwhelmed.
If you ever feel moved to write about it, I would love to read about your process of becoming reacquainted with the novels that you’re teaching this term, whether you find yourself responding to them differently now than you did ten years ago.
The trip to El Salvador sounds like a wonderful prospect. I look forward to hearing about it too!